Any relationship has it's troubles.
Sometimes, they are pretty manageable. Sometimes they are major, and painful.
The process is usually similar... a man and woman meet... chemistry... fall in love...
And when a woman gives her heart, and really, really feels love for a man, it's really something to see. The love of a woman can be so powerful, and beautiful. The kind of love where she counts down the minutes until he gets home. The kind of love where she would bring home a huge Christmas tree and put it up, even while 6 months pregnant, just so she could surprise him. The kind of love where she will drive an hour out of her way, just to see him for five minutes, and kiss him.
It's so powerful.
But as we all know, often times, this passion begins to change, or fade. It is rarely because of the passage of time, as most women don't just enjoy the novelty of fresh love at first, but also the long-lasting love many dream of, a man they can count on, a man they are safe with. But often, it fades because of damage.
Hurtful words. Hurtful actions. Things that cause mistrust or suspicion. And especially, things that cause her to lose respect and admiration for him. This is the toughest blow, because women are so resilient to pain, and willing to forgive, out of that deep love they have devoted to the man. They will even give a man the benefit of the doubt when it comes to mistrust, hoping against hope that his heart still belongs to her, and that he is faithful when he insists that he is. But respect... men's deepest need is often to be admired and respected... and when he does things, and says things, that trigger disgust, or hurts her and others with carelessness...
She cannot help but feel that disgust and shame against him.
At first, she may shrug it off, knowing her love must withstand, and that he's not perfect. Then she often tries to help him, encourage him, show him where he is causing the problem. Sadly, the man either just does not get it, or she can't seem to explain it correctly, or worse- she gets ripped for it. And the admiration breaks down further..
And a woman may often begin treating him worse, from her disdain and disgust for what she has now seen. She thought, and hoped, he was a good man, but now her love shrinks away, like a hand pulling back from a hissing snake... Now, she still 'loves' him.. but its like a dying campfire, soon to go out, and instead of feeding the flames and keeping it hot, he pours mud upon it with each new offense...
Add to this, that he responds badly to the problem, when she presents it. He either denies it, which makes him a liar since she knows she is correct, and this lying makes it worse... Or he says he is sorry, and vows to change and get better, but ultimately, his attempts are feeble, and he doesn't improve, further killing the fire that once was... and also making him a liar... Or, he responds in hostility to the 'attack' she has brought, even though she really didn't mean to do that, it was more like a cry for help, begging him to stop trampling their fire, and breaking her heart, crushing her spirit... and now she can only withdraw and witness the collapse of her own heart, and even, her dreams...
And then it happens.
The feeling is lost. Usually, it comes like a revelation. Either from an event, or from just waking up one day and realizing-
The feeling is GONE.
the love is gone, it's gone... lost...
No longer does she have any fight to save it. No longer does she feel anything positive for him. As if she fell into a sleep, and a dream when she loved him... the dream became a nightmare, and in that moment, she wakes up. She rubs the 'sleep' from her eyes, And the dream is over. Reality is upon her, and she begins to move.
Once she gets to this place, the dream is never recaptured. Not with him. She remembers the dream. It was so vivid. It was so intense. It became so painful. She remembers his name. But she can never fall asleep again, and fall into his arms again to feel that love, and give him what she once gave.
It may take her a while, to set herself right. These aren't things that are walked away from like the flip of a switch. But once this moment comes, once the flame is snuffed out, it's only a matter of time, and nothing can stop it. She will never feel it again, for him. She may stick around a while, see if she can rekindle the spark. See if it's really gone. And often, the man confirms it, doing more of the very same things, speaking the same ugly things that got him there...
Men often think they can do as they will. They see that the woman loves him. They see her deep forgiveness and desire for him. They see how she offers herself, and takes whatever bit of him she can get. Then they abuse it. They push it too far. They don't feed her fire, or give her enough. They neglect her. They trample her at will, knowing she will always love him, knowing her love is deep and important... yet not realizing, it can indeed be broken, it can be killed, and not realizing how very close they might be to this moment... And most of all, not realizing that if this moment occurs... he will never, never again, recapture her heart. A dream can't be recaptured...
Once she is finally... sadly awake.
No comments:
Post a Comment